Nietzsche warned us not to look
long into the abyss, or it will look long
I have looked many times into the
wretched eyes, coven blackened from
worship, eyes with no spark.
They burrow through my head,
my innocence served up like a buffet.
I know the fecal notes from this Satan's breath.
I’ve never personally met the Devil, just
a lot of his devotees. I have looked
long into the abyss, the void, the black hole
leaching off my soul, down to the marrow.
I no longer trust. I never totally feel safe,
I never completely relax, I never sleep deeply.
I’m afraid of the dark.
I no longer believe in God.
Each of the Devil's mentors left their
malignant fingerprints inside my head,
forever. I know the Devil exists -- I'm
related to a few of his flunkies.
My father sexually abused me.
When I got married,
I hyphenated my name.
No one questioned it at the time.
But in the middle of my parents’ late divorce,
everyone wants to know about names.
i was depressed,
and i wanted
to take a
you said you'd join me—
didn't mean i wanted
netflix and chill,
it happened before words came
to tell me how to feel about it
newly connected neurons torn apart
forever firing blanks into the microbiological air