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POETRY / Gina Cazdor From Season Five of Bojack Horseman and Monica Lewisnky Meet Me for Lunch / M Amory


the ache  / 
it was unnoticeable to everyone in the room / 
moving forward is excavating, often painfully, what 
has gone before  /                i show up, do the work, keep my head down 
it just knifed me, i was gutted /          grief consumes / grief for 
the broken 
young woman i had been before and during / 
a time when i was less jaded, when i believed i could do anything / 
i just want this to be over: /
the false narrative that my mouth was 
merely a receptacle for some powerful man’s desire / 
her restrained performance 
his reason: “because i could” / 
just keep grinning /
society is like a greek chorus, also has a say in this /
“victim” / or “scandal” /it was such a raw exposure / 
the person at the epicenter of the experience doesn’t necessarily
get to decide / i was completely at his mercy in that way / it was 
just like a whole other layer of being burned / 
makeup fixed the bruises / fix this little hole and then
everything will be fine
i don’t want you to be the most notable thing 
that happened to me / i don’t want you to be the question i get asked 
in interviews for the rest of my life / 
if you want to know what power looks like, watch a man safely, 
even smugly, do interviews for decades without ever worrying 
whether he will be asked questions he doesn’t want to answer / 
i just want this to be over / it doesn’t work that way.

"All italicized lines are direct quotes of Gina Cazador's, pulled from the season five of BoJack Horseman. All un-italicized text is directly quoted from Monica Lewinsky's 2018 interview with Vanity Fair Magazine “Who Gets to Live in Victimville?"

M/Em Amory (she/her) is, like glitter, an intangible light effect made physical, mostly plastic, and often from New Jersey. Her work has recently been published with Ink & Nebula and Crooked Arrow Press, among others. She can be found on twitter @queerparalethal or instagram @paralethalleftist or, in real life, under a pile of blankets watching The People v. O.J. Simpson again with her two cats, both scorpios.