Well, it was better than the Britney episode. That one was just a hot mess of craziness. This one at least attempted to tell a cohesive story and had several small storylines that kind of worked.
First, I love Sebastian and his evil moustache-twirling ways. He can now join Santana and Sue in the cool kids corner, making bitchy comments at the rest of the group. Of course, they’re likely to neuter him as they’ve done to those two, but I intend to enjoy it while it lasts. Bitchy one-liners is now the only place where this show genuinely excels.
What else? Artie and Mike’s song was my favorite of the night, and worked the best because it was Artie’s fantasy, and wasn’t just people angrily singing at each other as an actual plotline. And Artie’s got the best voice of all the dudes, I think. Of course, it went nowhere. No sooner did Artie wheel out of class in anger did he proceed to do absolutely nothing to exact revenge on Sebastian. Also, what the hell happened exactly? First, Sebastian threw rock salt aiming for Kurt, but got Blaine instead. This scratched Blaine’s eye and put him in the hospital requiring surgery. But the police—get this—don’t want to get involved. Assault that leads to a minor’s blinding is not enough to interest the Lima police department, dammit. So it’s up to Santana to get proof of Sebastian’s crime. Which she does, by strapping a recorder to her underboob and getting a confession. Then Kurt declares that it’s somehow dirty pool and sinking to Sebastian’s level to report this crime to the police. So they angrily sing at The Warblers instead. Then Santana reveals the tape she made and then the rest of The Warblers have to balls to act all shocked and mad, even though they were all there when Sebastian admitted doing it and now my head hurts. At least they let Santana call out that none of this made sense and if Kurt had trapped the recorder to his junk, they’d be singing songs about it for a week. That was hilarious. But you know what would’ve been better? If they hadn’t had such a gaping logic gap in the first place.
I fear I’ve gone too negative. What else worked? Well, it’s a cliché, but the Finn and Rachel drama where he’s holding her back from achieving maximum fabulousness is interesting, mainly because I’m interested in seeing how Ryan Murphy will justify keeping Rachael and Kurt in Ohio without making them look like total failures. Maybe we ditch McKinley High altogether? Yeah, that’s it. Lose all the dead weight characters like Will, Emma, Puck, Quinn, Tina, Sam, Mercedes, and Finn and have Kurt and Rachel run a school or some shit. The students will be Santana, Britney, Mike, Artie and Blaine. Oh hell, let Sam back in too. Gotta have someone for the ladies. And by “ladies”, I mean “lecherous middle aged gay dudes named Ryan”.
Mr. Murphy, I’ll be waiting for your call.
Ryan Roach lives in Studio City and suffers through traffic indignities on a daily basis. He also has a cool movie blog: http://afistop100moviesreviewed.blogspot.com/