TV Recap: Glee “Extraordinary Merry Christmas”

As soon as Sue Sylvester uttered the words “homeless shelter”, I knew this would not end well. But let’s back up a bit. You see, Sue Sylvester, last seen trying to end liberal arts programs in Ohio public schools, asked the Glee kids to help her feed some local homeless on a random night in December and also if it’s not too much trouble, could they, while there, sing a bit about how awesome they are for helping her feed homeless people? And if they could get the homeless people to join in the song, singing with agreement about how awesome the Glee kids are for feeding them, that would be ideal. And in fact, what would really be great, is if the Glee kids showed up hours late to the homeless shelter, busted in, sang about how great they were, forced the homeless people to join them in song, danced with some smiling laughing and utterly joyful homeless children and then just as abruptly left again before the next commercial break. That would be so generous of spirit and so utterly fucking sincere and not shameless fucking shallow vapid pandering to the lowest common denominator at all.

I didn’t really backup, did I? I just went right in it. Okay, backing up: you see, Rachel and the rest of the Glee kids (but especially Rachel) were being selfish bastards, choosing doing a TV special about Christmas during the Christmas season and asking Sue if they could help feed the homeless people on another night instead.  Don’t they know Sue can’t reschedule? Her special-needs sister is dead!  

Also, Artie was being a selfish bastard as director because he didn’t want to include any sad songs in the aforementioned Christmas special, which offended Sam because only mean selfish Grinches like happy  songs, so he left the TV special and tried to get the leprechaun to go with him because they had bonded earlier during that one conversation they ever had. But the leprechaun was a selfish bastard because he wanted to be on TV and sing happy Christmas songs like a total piece of shit, rather than not be on TV and sing sad Christmas songs like the pure of heart Sam the Stripper.But at some point, the leprechaun decided that Sam and Sue were right after all, and that he should  rudely commandeer the TV show in order to rip off Linus van Pelt and sternly lecture the Jewish girl on the true meaning of Christmas. Which, Rachel, is Jesus. You fucking cloven-hoofed abomination.

So yes, it was the leprechaun’s lecture to the Glee kids about how much they all (but mostly Rachel) sucked that inspired them to duck out of the TV show ten minutes early and sing to the homeless people about the pure goodness of those who give, so I suggest we all give to the Send The Fucking Leprechaun Back to Ireland Fund. I’m sure those homeless people will help chip in.

 So I’m not a total grinch: Blaine and Kurt were cute as hell together as “Hollywood roommates” (heh) and the opening song by Mercedes, “All I Want for Christmas”, was awesome. Also, the super-weird and random Global Warming/End Times PSA thing made me laugh, though I’m not sure why. But I’m nearly always down for super-weird.Ryan Roach lives in Studio City and suffers through traffic indignities on a daily basis. He also has a cool movie blog: http://afistop100moviesreviewed.blogspot.com