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20 First (And Last) Dates by Jocelyn Mosman

1. He took me to the movies,
Did not hold my hand,
Did not try to feel me up,
Did not move.
I thought he was dead.

2. He made me walk 3 miles
In 20 degree weather
Wearing a mini skirt.

3. He introduced me to his parents
On the first date,
And I was attacked by
His two very large dogs.

4. He hand molested me
On a bus in front of
My roommate.
It was weird.

5. He took me to
Olive Garden.
Then he took me to the movies.
He was super nice.
Later that evening,
He told me that he was actually

6. He tried to cuddle with me.
It ended up being a game of
How quickly I could move
Out of his reach before he crushed me.

7. He snored as loud
As the drums he claimed to play.
They kept the beat to my
Growing annoyance.
I poked him every time
To make sure he stopped.

8. She told me that she was
Really straight but
Thought it was cool that
I was trying something new.

9. I told her that I was
Really straight but
Thought it was best that
She kept her hands off
Of my boobs.

10. We peaked on the phone.
There was no real date.
It lasted 7 days.
No physical contact.

11. The sex was not good.

12. He was married.
I was not.

13. We made out behind
The theatre.
It was sexy.
He was the best kisser
I’ve ever been with.
Had I slept with him,
I would’ve been girl number 17.
He was a really good kisser.

14. He bought me a beer.
We drank and smoked
In a church parking lot.
It was really nice.
He left the next week.

15. Long distance is bullshit.

16. I accidentally might have
Tried flirting with a guy
While dancing drunk
At a party.
He was a ginger and vodka
Is evil.
He was kind of cute
In the awkward geeky sort of way.

17. He only liked me
Because he thought my boobs
Were heavenly
And he wanted to know the size
Of my areoles.
Cuz that is sexy on a whole new level.

18. He tried choking me with
His tongue.
It was bad.
It tasted like fungus.
I gagged.

19. He said I was the Hermione
To his Ron.
I said he was the Ron
To my Hermione.
We made out once.
I played dead for the next 3 days.

20. His name made my heart race.
Like literally I would’ve actually
Run a mile to see him.
He was wonderful.
I was crazy in love.
I did stupid shit.
Every date felt like a first date.
Now he’s engaged
To another woman.
And I’m single.
I guess he didn’t like me enough
To put a ring on it.
Now we are strangers
With a history
Passing through the world

Jocelyn Mosman is a 19-year-old student at Mount Holyoke College. She has been published in several anthologies, is currently in the publication process with her second poetry book, entitled Soul Music, and is an active member of poetry groups both in Western Massachusetts and in her home state of Texas.