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Anderson Farms Pumpkin Patch and Swingers Club is Officially Open For Business

You do NOT want to know what's happening in that shed. 

You do NOT want to know what's happening in that shed. 

The days are growing shorter, the air is growing cooler and the leaves are growing crunchier. That’s right. Fall is finally here, and with it comes warm apple cider, cozy sweaters and of course, casual sex with multiple partners. So head on out to Anderson Farms Pumpkin Patch and Swingers Club, where we celebrate the swapping of the seasons with the swapping of husbands and wives.  

Nestled in the majestic Hudson Valley countryside, Anderson Farms is consistently ranked the #1 destination for autumn-themed festivities and group sex (In the Northeast Region). With scenic views around every corner, visitors are encouraged to explore all Anderson Farms has to offer, as well as every nook and cranny of each other’s bodies.

At the pumpkin patch, you’ll find pumpkins of all shapes, sizes and sexual applications. Remember to take your time when picking out the perfect pumpkin. A good rule of thumb is to look for one with a solid stem. A strong stem is the mark of a healthy pumpkin and is less likely to snap off when inserted into your partner’s rectum.

Our corn maze is great for getting lost in a disorienting labyrinth of erotic pleasure. Before entering, it’s a good idea to stock up on lubricants, condoms and candy apples. You’ll emerge from the other side covered in a twisted mess of dried corn husks and bodily fluids, and with a newfound attraction to scarecrows.

From there, we recommend stopping by the cider barn for a hot beverage or maybe a little hot love making in the hayloft. Space in the hayloft can be reserved ahead time, but feel free to add your name to the list and check back later. While you wait, our apple orchard is the perfect setting for an evening stroll and some mutual masturbation with a stranger in a mask. Masks can be rented from the booth near the orgy tractor.

Speaking of the orgy tractor, why not take a ride on the orgy tractor? You’ll tour Anderson Farms and take in the scenery from the comfort of a sex party in a wagon being pulled by a tractor. Our certified Orgy Conductors are licensed tractor drivers and trained in orgy first aid.

With so much to see and spank at Anderson Farms, you’re guaranteed to go home with a few memories and a few friends. It’ll be the best decision you, your partner and your albino sex slave ever make. So throw on your crotch-less overalls and come celebrate fall the Anderson way. You’ll be happy you did. 

Dan Colburn is just your average advertising sell-out desperately trying to prove to himself that he can write real stuff too.