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There's No Time to Explain!



Grab your stuff and let’s get out of here! If I had time to explain I would, but this plot device is meant to take us from point A to point B without offering any explanation whatsoever. Don’t ask questions! Just suspend your disbelief and let’s move! I left the car running outside next to some trashcans I hit for dramatic effect, so you better start frantically putting on pants because it’s go time!

Focus! Right here!


Do exactly as I say if you want to live to see the next scene!

All I need is for you to blindly follow me to an unspecified destination, no questions asked. Yes, it probably seems incredibly irresponsible for me to be withholding information from you in a time of emergency. But they’re coming for us! They’re coming and I don’t know what they want! They don’t know what they want! Even the writers don’t know what they want BECAUSE THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN!

Damn it! I’ve already said too much.

Well don’t just stand there! Throw some random belongings in backpack while I peer through your blinds to help emphasize the looming danger. Which reminds me: Don’t. Trust. Anyone. Except me. You should probably trust me, at least for now. I may be a loose cannon, and your character is only meant to accentuate my hardboiled personality, but we’re going to get through this!

Hurry up!

Now stop!


Be quiet! ................ Ok. Keep moving.

Make for the getaway vehicle and stay as low to the ground as possible for no apparent reason. Once we get in, I’ll reveal to you that I’m actually a double agent. DAMN PLOT TWISTS! I told you not to trust anyone! Don’t worry, further into the story you’ll get the chance to exact your revenge, but we can’t talk about that right now because THERE’S JUST NO TIME! 

Dan Colburn is just your average advertising sell-out desperately trying to prove to himself that he can write real stuff, too.